Most of the world suffers from heartbreak in some form or another. It’s a leading cause of not realizing one’s greatest potential. We are spiritual beings in human bodies with human brains. Therefore, although the spirit is more evolved and clear of purpose, the melded incarnated form can get confused when there is the semblance of the end of love in relationships.
Love does not end. We do not end. Like energy, once love is created, it cannot be destroyed. Just because a relationship doesn’t work out the way you had hoped, it doesn’t negate the love you experienced. The relationship may change and may end here, but you get to carry the love in your heart through this life, into the spirit realm, and into another lifetime if you both choose.
Love is not limited such that if you hold it for one person, there is less for another. No, it just grows and grows with each opportunity you have to practice love. Thank and acknowledge yourself for your ability to love, your ability to give, and your ability to understand and do it all over again.
However, if you remain attached to the object of your love and stuck in the past, replaying the plot of your story, it actually is a warning sign. Ask yourself why? Why do you move toward the thing that is moving away from you? Why are you trying to exert your will and desire so strongly? Why do you have to try to understand everything? Why do you feel that you know better than the highest power in operation of divine mastery and destiny? Can you feel safe in surrender and the unknown, not quite understanding exactly why everything happened the way it did?
Last night, I was giving a friend some advice about healing a broken heart, and I was able to distill it down to a few quick pearls, as we strutted the sidewalk in heels on our way to an evening out 🙂
1) Forgive. Forgive yourself for your grieving process, however long it takes. There is no timeline. You are done, when you are done. Growth is not always graceful, but it is necessary. It is why we are here.
Sometimes, when things end abruptly, such as the death of a loved one or with a person that refuses to vulnerably communicate about the break, it is especially disorienting. The surviving, vulnerable party has so many questions and an unresolved need for communication. This is human. It is normal. We want to satisfy a basic need for safety. We want to protect against sudden threats to stability. We feel that if we can understand it and thereby know how we can protect against it in the future, we will ensure our survival.
Forgive yourself for this human need for safety. And forgive your partner. Have compassion for them. They are where they are, mentally and emotionally. They are also operating to protect their safety. They may not feel comfortable or safe to discuss their reasons with you or themselves. It’s just not where you are and want you want for yourself. Thank them for leaving you sooner than later and showing you what you don’t want.
Our society reinforces strength and masculinity in such a way that many people believe it is undesirable to introspect and express vulnerability. Regarding such an instance with a man, a sweet soul once said, “well he might have to be born as a woman next lifetime, to deal with all the stuff he pushed below the surface in this one.”
It actually takes tons more strength to turn the arrow of attention inward, uncover your shame, and be open to where there is room for improvement. We all have the divine masculine and feminine within us. The key is balance. They are both wonderful, and the balance is bliss.
2) “It’s not you, it’s me.” We have a tendency to not believe a partner when they say this. But, I actually think it is really true. If you gave it your best within reason, then chances are you didn’t match up energetically. Even though on the surface, they may break up with you, in the background, your higher consciousness deemed they were not the best person for your spiritual growth and therefore ended the relationship on your behalf. C’est tout!
3) Earth Element. Heartache is very destabilizing. Connect with the earth element. In physics and philosophy alike, Mother Earth has an immense capacity to “ground” and hold negative charge. She can hold it and can contain it. Give it to her. Let anything you don’t want flow to her. Lay on the grass! Then let her reprogram and magnetize you to a higher vibration.
Currently, I’m working with a group of close friends under the guidance of a teacher to this end, using vibrational sound, discipline, and intention. Ayurveda started me on this journey with the 5 elements years ago, and now I return — to Earth.
4) Remember. Remember that you consciously made this agreement with that soul ahead of time. There are no coincidences. Everything that seems synchronous is actually highly orchestrated. You even chose the exact cues of scent, touch, and sight that would attract you to that partner. So you just need to figure out why you chose them, learn from it, and then let it rest.
5) Soulmates. We likely have one main one and several soul-friends, male and female which are part of our soul-group – our best buds that we incarnate with lifetime after lifetime in order to help in one another’s growth. I’m not interested in dating, being married, or any semblance of societal partnership unless it’s with my spiritual partner. To date, I’ve only felt hints of it, but I know that the more I purify my own consciousness through self-study and service to humanity, the more I will magnetize a true spiritual partner to me. When I’m ready, the signs of who they are will be undeniable. I’m excited!
I want to emphasize that it is important to not look for completion or a sense of self-worth in another incomplete being. We have many friends along the way, but we are all on the journey. At it’s essence, it is a solitary journey of the soul back towards source.
6)Intimacy. When we are suffering and feeling lonely, there is a temptation to drown it out with casual physical encounters. Even with something so seemingly harmless as a kiss, desire opens our chakras and energy flows and swirls through the spine. In this open, vulnerable state, you actually take on the karmas and vibrations of the person you are kissing. So if that person is operating at a lower vibration, you lower your light-quotient and vibration. Casual intimacy is not so casual. Be careful who you kiss and to whom you open up your energetic body.
When intimacy is with a spiritual partner, it is a divine, creative force of the universe that can bring forth rejuvenation to the couple and life into the world.
7)Love. Love is a need. However, the nuance that is hidden for many of us is that it is more often a need to give love, than receive love. I like to nurture and cook for people. It doesn’t have to be for a boyfriend. One time, I gave away all the extra cookies I probably would have given to a boyfriend if I had one, to the homeless. As one of my teachers stated, “the purest love you’ll experience is the love you give.” So while I’m getting ready for my spiritual partner, I’m going to give away so much love to my friends, family, patients, and the people that need it. The world needs lots of love, so rather than freezing your love in heartbreak, let it thaw and flow to those that need it. And, truly, only a hard heart can break.
I offer this to you in honor of Independence Day. Take the time you need, but when it is no longer serving you to deliberate on why, let go of your past. Learn what you need to and get out. Forgive. Have compassion. Surrender to flow. Let what wants to stay, stay and what wants to leave, leave. Stop holding on to the pain. Replace it with your immense capacity to love. Move on. Be free.
The present is waiting for you, and it’s amazing!
The material world is imperfect by design, but it is also wonderfully intricate and rich with sensation. It is a schoolhouse and a playground. Be light about your lessons. This is supposed to be fun.
All this, on the walk from Eastside Showroom to Whistler’s 😉
Nisha
