Have you been in a conflict with your partner, where you felt misunderstood? Unappreciated? Insulted even?
I’d be surprised and impressed if you hadn’t.
The Feminine’s instinct here is to close. “Fine, you don’t see me. You don’t value me. See what life is like without me!”
We give the silent treatment. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine!”
Clearly something is wrong. You want them to definitely know something is wrong and struggle/squirm a little in the discomfort of knowing your pain. Realize their mistake. Apologize sincerely and reaffirm their true love for you.
It’s a challenge to not withdraw when we are triggered. One, I’m curious to overcome.
David Deida diagrams the highest feminine evolute as – Being Love. Moving from needing to receive love from others, to giving herself the love she seeks, to actually embodying Love itself.
What a concept! To be the Love we seek. Love does not close. It is forever open, whole, and desires to flow.
So in that setting, where I feel triggered by my partner, “You wouldn’t say that or do that if you loved me,” and my instinct is to retreat, my current approach is to stay open, steady, and ready to flow.
Most disagreements are founded in unmet needs. Superimposing your own unmet needs, in reaction, does not attempt to address the root.
I had a soul dialogue where I asked,
“Have we learned boundaries? Are we ready to go beyond the lesson of establishing boundaries, maintaining all the learning, and in the heated moment, stay open in listening and love?”
“Yes, I think so.”
Let love soothe and cool the wound – yours and your partner’s. Then patiently, maybe hours later, address your unmet desires and needs. Often at this point, in light of your compassion, presence, and responsiveness, your partner will admit some responsibility for their thoughts, words, and actions.
I’m not suggesting you be a doormat. I’m just saying, there comes a point where the answer is simply, “More Love!”
as we ask ourselves, “What would Love do?”
love,
Nisha
This content does not constitute medical advice and is intended for educational purposes only.
